Guest Rant of the Week: Ignorance at Weddings and Wedding Showers
By Marcia Drut-Davis
Author: “Confessions of a Childfree Woman” amazon.com
Have you heard any of the following statements at any wedding or wedding shower?
1. Awwww. They’ll make such beautiful babies!
2. Want to guess how long until we see a little one?
3. Do you think she’s already prego?
4. Hope they wait until they have their first child.
5. Maybe we should have purchased blue or pink booties with the gift!
6. I hope they can afford a baby soon because they both just started jobs!
7. They better get started to make that baby on their honeymoon. She’s not getting any younger you know!
8. Can’t wait till they make their parents grandparents.
9. I wonder if they have a boy will they call it Junior?
10. If they have a girl, I bet they’ll keep trying for a boy to carry on the family name.
Alas, I’ve heard all these statements. I never realized how pronatal and ignorant they were until I became savvy about how much pressure there is equating marriage with having children. It’s not just hetero couples either. Gay couples get pressure too! They may hear, “Wonder who will be the surrogate? Or, “I guess they’ll adopt, huh?”
It’s such utter nonsense. Let’s look at each assumption:
1. Beautiful babies? The genetic pool is vast. There are no guarantees two good-looking people will produce a Gerber child. And, if people want kids, who knows if they’ll face infertility or not! In my opinion, it’s wrong to make that statement. If you hear it, comment! Set people straight.
2. Just because a woman has a uterous, doesn’t mean it must be filled.
3. Already pregnant? How dare anyone assume this? Is that the only reason people want to marry?
4. “First child” I agree that waiting if they want kids is a good choice. Look at the word “first”. There’s an assumption there will be more.
5. Have you seen wedding/shower gifts with baby clothes attached? I have!
6. If they both started jobs, they’re crazy to think about any baby! The cost to raise one is astronomical.
7. Just because an older woman is marrying does not mean she’s a breeder facing the biological clock.
8. Making a grandchild. This is no reason to have any child. Grandparents are waiting for the icing on the cake of parenting and can be very pushy. They face their own peers handing out baby photos. (You never see teen photos, huh?)
9. Another assumption and none of anyone’s business.
10. It’s pronatal and dangerous to assume everyone must have children and if they do….one of each sex. Carrying on a family name as a reason to have children is the height of selfishness, in my opinion. Our planet has enough people already! Besides, many girls are using their father’s names too!
That’s my rant for the day. Remember, if we stay silent, these things will continue. Speak up. Be heard and never get into any push/pull confrontation. If that happens, walk away and enjoy your own childfree lifestyle.