Childfree Celebrity Spotlight: Portia de Rossi
After a good deal of speculation in the media, Portia de Rossi’s recent interview in Out magazine finally addresses the question…
Are Ellen and Portia going to have kids?
The answer: A resounding NO. I have to wonder if her portrayal of Lindsay Bluth Fünke on Arrested Development – generally regarded as one of television’s worst, or at least most neglectful, parents – in any way seeped into her subconscious and influenced this decision. Mother to teenage sass-pot Maeby with her husband Tobias, Portia seems to operate much like parents think the Childfree do. Drinking till the wee hours, spending all her money on shoes and make-up, always wanting to try out the hot new restaurant. And she’s consistently slammed for it by her brother Michael (a real stand-up dad).
Perhaps she thought that if she and Ellen had a child, she’d wind up following in the footsteps of her slipshod character by:
1) Being awful at motherly activities like cooking up a homey meal:
Narrator: Michael had asked Lindsay to do the housework, and to his surprise, she was sort of doing it.
Lindsay: Hey, I found that canned ham that we’ve had forever, and I put it in a pot of boiling hot water, and guess what we’re having? Michael: Soup?
Lindsay: Hot ham water.
2) Not remembering important stats about her child:
Jessie: I think it’s best if you got a job.
Lindsay: Oh, come on! I’m a parent, I care about my daughter every bit as much as Michael cares about his son.
Maeby: What grade am I in?
Lindsay: What kind of job?
3) Ruining her sex life:
Michael: Tell me, at what point did you realize that you and Tobias had no chance at a physical relationship?
Lindsay: …Oh, my God! Tobias and I have no chance at a physical relationship?
Michael: …So, just now?
Yes, playing Lindsay for three seasons and now gearing up for Arrested Development’s much-anticipated comeback on Netflix might have had a little something to do with their decision. But I suspect it had a lot more to do with the fact that she and Ellen are happy as hell with the way things are.
“Married life is blissful, it really is. I’ve never been happier than I am right now.” ~ Portia
Who would want to mess with a thing like that? Not someone who’s got a pretty clear head on her shoulders when it comes to understanding how much having a child would change her life:
“There comes some pressure in your mid-30s, and you think, Am I going to have kids so I don’t miss out on something that other people really seem to love? Or is it that I really genuinely want to do this with my whole heart? I didn’t feel that my response was ‘yes’ to the latter. You have to really want to have kids, and neither of us did. So it’s just going to be me and Ellen and no babies.”
Fine by me, because if a cast member pregnancy had caused ANOTHER delay to the new Arrested Development season coming out…well, let’s just say I would have had to hit the liquor cabinet, Lucille Bluth-style.