I’m Selfish – You Should Be Too
Last week, I received a bit of a nasty-gram for the blog, calling me childish, selfish, narcissistic, and a cringe-worthy writer. Yes – ouch, buuuurn, and all that. I thought the issue of Childfree people (or those considering a Childfree life) being called selfish had been covered ad nauseum, but it appears I’ve been proven wrong. So let’s dig in.
Is it selfish to not want kids?
Why yes! It probably is. It means that you value your current lifestyle. That you have some level of desire to hang on to or increase your free time/Me time, your expendable income, your devotion to a meaningful career, your ability to pursue hobbies that make you a well-rounded person, your time spent as a loving spouse/child/sibling/aunt or uncle/friend. But these are still, on a very basic level, things that you want. And by definition, a little selfish. Okaaaaay…
But isn’t it also selfish to want kids?
Well, let’s take a look at why most people decide to have children:
- I want someone to nurture and love
- I want the experience of having a family – children with whom I can share values, traditions, etc.
- I want someone who will always love me and take care of me
- I want to continue my family lineage and see what a little half-me would be like
- I want to experience life through the eyes of a child or re-live my childhood (because going to Disneyland by yourself as an adult is unspeakably creepy)
Hmm…these all start with “I want,” don’t they? Now don’t get me wrong – I think that if someone is prepared to be a committed parent, these reasons for having a baby are just fine by me. But are they unselfish? Not really – you’re still getting what you want.
So is there any truly unselfish reason to have a kid?
I’m trying to think of one. And I’m failing. Maybe breeding a team of tiny volunteers to devote their lives to community service? Or having a baby to create a potential bone marrow donor for your current child who’s exhausted all other potential matches? [Yes, this happened on my soap, thank you for asking.]
While these may seem unselfish in an ends-justifies-the-means sort of way, they’re not. You want that cancer-ridden family member to live. You want the world to be a better place and you want to feel that you’ve contributed to it. You know, that whole “there’s no such thing as true altruism” thing.
On a less dramatic scale, some will say that wanting to give a child a wonderful and loving life is unselfish. But you’re arguing a benefit to a person who isn’t in need of it – because they don’t yet exist! And won’t, unless you choose to bring them into existence. Adopting a child that’s already in existence is probably as close as it gets to being truly unselfish, but you’re still exercising some of the “I wants” from above.
Which is fine, and completely awesome in my book. People should do they want (within reason), and what’s in their best interests, because it’s rational to do so and will net out the greatest levels of happiness. This isn’t just Maybe Lady babble, this is one of the main tenets of philosophies like Ethical Egoism, Rational Egoism and Utilitarianism. [Philosophies that I’m not smart enough to talk about here, but you should read about them.]
So was OK Go right when they said Do What You Want?
I’m not advocating a complete lassez-faire, no internal editing attitude for everything. You can’t call your boss a douche bag, tell your friend she’s high if she still thinks she’s a size 4, or eat a trifecta dinner of Popeye’s chicken and biscuits, Rally’s fries, and a Wendy’s Frosty every day. Because in the end, you won’t end up with what you want. You’ll be fired, friendless and fat. [Please note, I save the trifecta dinner for a once-a-year birthday treat only.]
And if the point is to live a happy and fulfilling life, you’ll have to do some things you don’t want to do to get there. For some of us, that means dealing with diapers and college funds because we know we need a child in our life to feel truly happy. For others, we know that dealing with all these things will bring us down and not allow us to live the fulfilling life we know we’re capable of living sans children.
Country Music is Sometimes Wise
I think George Strait said it best when he said,
I’m not here for a long time; I’m here for a good time.
If your good time is a trip to Fiji at the drop of a hat, spending an entire rainy Sunday with a fabulous book, or quiet dinners with your spouse discussing Rational Egoism – then don’t have kids. If your good time is a Griswold sing-along in the station wagon, getting kicked out of your child’s soccer game for heckling opponents, or sweating in a Santa suit each December to see that twinkle in their eye – then have kids. The point is, it’s your life, it’s your good time. Make the most of it in the way that only you can decide is best for you.
And if someone calls you selfish in the process, go ahead and thank them for the compliment.
60 Responses to I’m Selfish – You Should Be Too
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Thanks for this! This is one of my largest pet peeves about my choice to not have kids. After 8 years of child-free marriage, most people have stopped asking when we’re going to have kids. That doesn’t stop the occasional new friend/stranger from digging in, and asking the ‘selfish’ question, too. We have chosen the childless path because we recognize we’re not ready to give up our careers and lifestyle to care for offspring in the way they deserve to be cared for. Many people feel that my choice is a thoughtful and responsible one. Personally, I find parents that choose to have more than 3 children way more selfish!
As an aside, the blend of humor and honesty in your writing here is refreshing! You do an excellent job of objectively looking at a choice that many women struggle with. Sometimes I think you’re reading my mind!
I would argue that you’ve made the truly selfless choice by not having kids when you know that you wouldn’t be able to give them the attention they deserve. Bravo! Thanks so much for your compliments on the blog – I think I have to keep a sense of humor in here or we’d all lose our minds!!
Oh God, the selfish card.
I have never understood why people feel it is okay to question and judge the childfree so openly.
I mean I just don’t get it!
I would never say to a pregnant friend, oh have you really given this enough thought? You might change your mind! It is not too late you know. I mean really, bringing a child into this already over populated world is kind of selfish…I would never, ever, ever say that! It would just be RUDE! And we all have our own paths, who am I to judge?
So why on earth do people with kids feel it is not only their right, but their duty to throw all those cliches in my face when they hear I do not plan to have kids? I just don’t get it.
So true – why does it never work the other way around? I too, would never say those things to a pregnant friend. BUT, one of these days when I’m provoked with these questions by someone with kids, I just might decide to parrot them back and see what THEY have to say. Ah, who am I kidding? I’d never have the guts to do that.
Ditto Kate. I will never understand why so many people can ask why you aren’t having kids but no one ever questions people that do. I have found myself in situations trying to give the best answers as to why my husband and I aren’t having kids and then I realized its really nobody’s business but ours so now I try really hard to just say “we’re not” and end it at that. I’m ready for menopause because maybe then people will stop asking me.
Love the blog, nice to know there are others out there that feel the same.
Thanks Jennifer! Wow, you know it’s bad out there when we’re HOPING to look so old that people wouldn’t dare ask us if we’re planning on having kids.
What you have described here is basically (maniacal laugh) Ayn Rand’s concept of selfishness as a virtue. In simple terms, it is emphatically not being narcissistic or doing “whatever you feel like” (regardless of the outcome) but being rationally self-interested, doing what one believes will lead to long-term happiness. Those who throw out the selfishness card as a condemnation believe that being concerned primarily with your own happiness is immoral. No wonder there are so many bitter parents and narcissistic children out there- it’s an equation that simply does not work.
Well put, Scott. I was going to dig into the full-blown Ayn Rand thing but realized this post would truly never end and I’d wrap myself around a philosophical axle. But I’m glad you brought it up – her The Virtue of Selfishness is something everyone should take a look at before they try and use that word as an insult.
Yes, whatever people feel about Rand as a person, her novels, etc., you really can’t have a decent conversation about selfishness/selflessness without acknowledging her philosophical contributions (although sometimes just the name can cause a ridiculous explosion of off-topic rants). Another great place to look at this is in romantic relationships, like when you’re SO calls you selfish and you go “Well I would have to be very selfish to have chosen someone as amazing as you wouldn’t I??”. Game, set, match.
An excellent comeback!!
One of my favorite things to do when the never ending questions about why my husband and I are not having kids at this time (and who knows maybe we never will) and it usually starts getting into the oh there are so many risks when you have kids later in life and you won’t be able to keep up and play with them blah blah blah is to say: “So you’re telling me that I should just have kids now despite the fact that I don’t feel ready to take on such a big responsibility financially and emotionally in order to avoid the risks of having kids later in life and so I can keep up with them?” That usually shuts people up really quick and they try to back pedal.
And being child free or waiting til later in life to have kids is selfish?! So being responsible is selfish?! One of my friends and her husband I think are pretty darn selfish. The husband had 2 kids from a previous marriage and my friend had 1 kid out of wedlock from a one night stand. That’s 3 kids already. I had to hear how much the husband hated his job but you know he has to support his family. My friend was doing the stay at home mom thing and always whining how they were living paycheck to paycheck. And they go and have ANOTHER kid! If I were to guess it’s probably purely for the selfish reason of having at least one kid that has both of their DNA. But I would never say that to them.
Yow! Yeah, I think you kind of lose the right to complain about living paycheck to paycheck when you have a fourth child. Sorry, but I think that’s my limit on that one.
No good blog goes unnoticed! I think it’s a compliment of the highest order to provoke an emotional response from a reader… That said, there are too many ITGs out there, with nothing better to do. Haven’t personally gotten the “selfish” card, but have gotten a lot of vaguely condescending looks and comments , as well as the mother of them all: “Oh honey, you’re young, you’ll change your mind.”
Of course!! Why would I know my mind?! I couldn’t have *possibly* thought deeply, over many years, about a potential child’s needs, my and my DH’s ability to provide appropriate parenting, all while weighing our own needs to keep our sanity. Simply. Not. Possible.
Why thank you for the good karma (and the compliments), InTheNotCategory! Yes, I like how by age 18 society expects us to nail down exactly what we want to do with our careers by choosing a major, and, if after several years in the working world, you hit age 31 and still aren’t sure what you want to do for a living, you’re labeled an idiot for not having it figured out yet. But yet, I can be 31, and people say I’m just too young to know my own mind with regards to wanting babies? So which is it – are we supposed to have it all figured out by now, or are we “still young, we’ll change our minds”?
I read your blog and think that this is by far your most defensive post. Your appeal is your unapologetic and secure approach to being ambivalent about having kids. Take the nasty-gram as a sign you have arrived as a provocative writer. It comes with the territory, as they say. You don’t owe anyone a justification of being “selfish”. Anything anyone does can be construed as selfish by someone.
Thank you, Rue! Agreed, it is probably my most defensive post. It doesn’t really bother me when people say the Childfree are selfish – it’s laughable that anyone could think that – but I know it upsets other people, so I suppose this was my PSA about it.
I totally agree. I don’t understand how not having kids is seen as selfish, but having them is not when you are both doing what you want? If you want kids, have kids, if you don’t, then don’t have them. Everyone is doing what they want so equally as selfish as each other I would argue. And whats wrong with being a little selfish anyway, if you are not hurting anyone?? And I agree, I can’t think of a non-selfish reason to have kids, especially when I think quietly to myself when I hear of another pregnancy, “great, just what the world needs, another mouth to feed”. The world doesn’t need more people, therefore people are reproducing for their own needs/desires = selfish.
P.S. I don’t think your writing is cringe worthy at all, its one of my favourite blogs on the subject!
I know, it almost seems silly that I even need to write something on this subject, when it can all be summed up so tidily by your third sentence! And thank you so much for the compliment, it’s words like yours that make it all worthwhile!
I guess my big question when people bring in the selfish argument is who exactly is it hurting if I don’t have kids? Are there not enough kids being born that the world will stop functioning if I don’t add my spawn to the mix? I mean, isn’t a selfish act selfish because it takes something from someone else, or hurts someone in some way, or at the very least, doesn’t take others into consideration? Because, frankly, not having kids because you don’t want them and therefore feel you wouldn’t be a good parent is exactly the opposite of selfish. You are, in fact, concerning yourself with the welfare of these potential children. It’s bizarre that people take it so personally. What does it have to do with them?
And then this person throwing in the word childish is ridiculous. It’s childish to run off and get pregnant without any consideration at all. Any idiot can get pregnant. Childish is deciding to have sex without birth control without having thought about what you’d do if you got pregnant. Childish is acting like a child, which is to say, acting without giving consideration to the consequences. Again, the opposite of what you’re doing here.
Sometimes you have to wonder if the people who make these arguments regret their own children, and wish they’d had the courage to be more “selfish” themselves.
Ahh, yes, perhaps it’s a little of “the lady doth protest too much”. Who knows. But yes, who IS it hurting if I don’t have kids, if my husband doesn’t want them either? Our parents, perhaps. Luckily we both have enough siblings where I don’t think we’ll be in danger of our family names dying out.
But then, if you have kids because your parents really want you to, isn’t that terribly selfish on their part? “Hey, why don’t you spend hundreds of thousands of dollars and all of your time for the next 18 years so we can play with our grandkids once a week? Thanks!”
But you are lucky that you’ve got the siblings who plan to have kids. Neither my brother nor I are on board with the kid thing. Not that our parents have really pressured us, but I know they’d have liked at least one grandkid to spoil.
Yes, that would be selfish – but I think it has more to do with the fact that they want us to go through the experience of having children, because they found it so rewarding. Not just that they want a baby to spoil (though they’d love that), but that they don’t want us to miss out on something that for them, gave them the most joy in their lives. It’s understandable. But, different strokes for different folks. (I can’t believe I just said that, am I ninety?)
When people use the term “childish”, I wonder if they mean “immature”, “irresponsible” or “uncommitted”? I image there are a lot of people who learned maturity, responsibility, and commitment through having children. But there are a lot of other ways to learn the same lessons. I have certainly learned TONS about all three from deciding on a career, dealing with the crises of owning a home and caring for pets, and learning to really love my husband. It makes sense that some people who have children might think that’s the only way to learn these life lessons, because that’s how they learned them. But I believe that living life with integrity, regardless of the specific choices we make, is a hard, serious business. And that we all need childish moments to whine and goof around, and then get back to work.
Agreed. In fact, I think when you have the free time to really reflect on all the important things you’ve done, it develops a deeper sense of maturity and commitment, that you might not have otherwise have come to if you were busy chasing around children. I’m sure there are plenty of people who can do it all, but I know that my brain, for one, would be fried!
Your friend COULD be a size 4, depending on the cost of the name brand. The more expensive the designer, the more deflation there is. Pay hundred of bucks for a single article of clothing and your “size” tends to be a lower number. It’s just a question of how much money she’s willing to pay to buy a “size 4.” An ingenious way to make money, seems to me, on par with labeling “extra large” as the smallest size condom you can buy. Genius.
I tried to to find stuff to criticize in my usual troll-like fashion, but that’s all I got. Hell yeah, it’s selfish. That’s not a bad thing, and it’s not more selfish than having children.
P.S. Besides, think about all the people that your lifestyle supports. All those people working in the bottling plants that provide the liquor that sustains you. Quite unselfish in your generosity, it seems to me. You give and give and give and this is the thanks you get?
Hey, you did find your trollish comment after all! It’s all true, I’m probably single-handed sustaining at least one Kettle One plant out there…
What you say is true…but why are wedding gowns the exact opposite?! If you’re normally a size 6 at the Gap, you’re a 10 in a wedding dress. Seems like a bad time to be making a lady feel fat.
I didn’t know that about wedding gowns. Maybe the wedding gown size inflation explains how awful bridesmaids’ dresses are. Brides get so mad at their own dress that they take their anger out on the bridesmaids by making them pay for hideous dresses of their own. It’s like a cycle of abuse.
Hi Maybe Lady!
I stumbled onto your blog via Jenny Lawson over at Bloggess, and I’m SO glad I did! I’m honestly at the exact opposite phase in life from where you are–my husband and I are waiting to have a baby until he finishes grad school (and, you know, has an income and stuff), but we would both love to be parents pretty much today. I just want so badly to be a mom, with all the mess and expense and sleep deprivation it entails, and I swear my uterus glares at me angrily every time it sees the birth control coming. So clearly you and I are in very different places in life; however, reading your blog about all the things you love about life without children is providing me with some desperately needed perspective. Between my husband’s extremely demanding schedule and our one-income status, we’re not exactly jetting off to Paris at the drop of a hat… but we do have the option to go out for dinner on a whim, spend late nights out with friends or just stay in bed all Saturday morning. Reading your blog has seriously opened my eyes to how much I’m taking for granted about our life pre-children, and I want to thank you so much for the unexpected wake-up call. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go read Jenny’s new book in a single sitting.
How interesting, I never thought my blog would be helping people who already know they want to have a baby! But I’m so glad to hear it – yes, live it up and enjoy what you have right now because you’ll have the rest of your life to be a mom. Best of luck to you both as he wraps up school and you enter the next phase of your lives. I’m so jealous you’ll be reading Jenny’s book. Working at the literary agency means I haven’t read anything for pleasure in months. But Jenny’s book is FIRST on my list when I’m done there!
I have noticed that when I get the selfish bingo…it’s usually by people who to my mind, are themselves pretty selfish.
I have lot’s of friends who DON’T look at parenting their kids as the most altruistic, selfless thing possible, they just sort of go “You don’t want kids? Huh. I just always knew I did. Love the little sh*ts to death, hard work though. ” and we move on, and that is that, and all is well. Inevitably, these are the folks who seem to be the happiest parenting.
Just notice that the people who bang on (AND ON) about the sacrifice, the self worth, THE UTTER SELFLESSNESS they exhibit (so by default…you DON’T)…are the ones who look at the school run, the hissy fits and pukey toddlers as a hardship to endure, a SACRIFICE dammit! My friends mentioned above don’t really think in those terms at all, they just think “Egads. Kids puke, get over it.” and move on. (I am not one of those brave souls, fyi.)
My point is, when parents go on about the hardship of it all, and how it makes them such better people than the childfree, they are usually the ones not really enjoying it. I mean, if you need to endlessly navel-gaze and postulate about how something is SO WORTH IT…um…it’s usually not right? Or…at least it might be (getting a PHD, trekking the Himalaya’s, etc) …but dayum…you sure as hell aint enjoying the process…amirite?!
And I just end up thinking…martyr much?
Yes, yes – who are they try to convince? Us, or themselves?!
Yes, and have you ever had someone without children suggest you’re selfish for not having any? It’s usually parents saying it.
Calling me selfish for making a different life choice than you did sounds an awful lot like you regret your choice and envy mine….
Calling me selfish for not having children just shows that I’ve made the right choice. I agree with the accusation and say thank you very much. It works like this:
If I’m selfish for not having kids, that must mean that not having kids benefits me. Yes, I agree.
If having kids is unselfish, that must mean that the harships of being a parent outweigh the benefits. Okay. You said it, not me.
The flip side:
If I’m missing out on a great life because I don’t have kids, and you are choosing a happy life by having kids, then you must be more concerned with personal enjoyment than I am. Theoretically, without kids I’m choosing a second-class life of loneliness, lack of fulfillment, etc. — hardly the choice of a selfish person!
Make up your minds, parents — is being childfree fun or isn’t it?
You must be a lawyer, Scott…and if you’re not, maybe you should be.
Thanks, I….
Hey, wait a minute. Is that one of those “complinsult” thingies?
OMG I LOVE THIS!! I am 43 and no children, well of the human kind. I am mom to a pit bull and that is enough for me! I tell you, people question me all the time and give me strange looks because I don’t have children! Well, eat shit and die! To me, the world does not revolve around getting married and having kids. I wanted more out of life. Isn’t the world highly populated now? Do people know how much it costs to raise and school a child? Don’t get me wrong, I like kids…..as long as they go home to their parents! I enjoy my sleep and being fancy free, pretty much. So I hate it when people say I’m selfish. Maybe I am BUT I am a damn happy selfish woman!
Found your link on the Bloggess! Definitely subscribing!
You’re a step ahead of me – I’m not even willing to commit to a dog!! Cats are about all we can handle at this point. Glad to hear you’re loving the selfish life!
I got my tubes tied at 21 after having 2 kids. I was asked several times if I was sure I wanted it done. Yes I did. I had no job and was a single mom. Fast forward 14 yrs later to my tubal reversal. I’m much more stable. I would never call someone who didn’t want kids selfish. That is so judgemental. Like an above poster, im looking forward to having a baby. But since my kids are practically grown, I still can schedule that trip to fiji. I guess I have the best of both worlds at the moment. Great post.
Yes, you got all the hard stuff out of the way early, smart you! If I do wind up having kids, I’ll probably be exhausted chasing around after them and wishing I had mine pre-21 too!
So, I may be opening up a can of worms here, but the three times I’ve gotten the “selfish” card pulled on me for my decision not to have children, it came every time from someone who was devoutly religious and I don’t think it’s a coincidence. It may be a deeply engrained “go forth and multiply” mentality, or the idea of increasing the size of the congregation. I’m not sure. But I do get the sense that having children is seen as a “duty” in the religious context, whether or not you want to personally. And if you don’t want to, but feel obligated by your religious group, that would be the ultimate, “unselfish” sacrifice. Sex gets mixed up with this in a funny way, too – it’s not for fun, it’s for reproduction, so anything that implies that someone did it for any reason but reproduction (birth control, abortion, etc) is morally questionable. This may be a bit too political, but I think it’s relevant.
AND, I think the “selfish” label on anything is just a distraction from a deeper issue that the person using it either can’t articulate or doesn’t want to admit out loud. It’s just a sure-fire way to hurt or shame someone who’s doing something unpopular or threatening – to tell them, “hey, you’re anti-social and so don’t belong in my community”. It’s a way to threaten someone with shunning unless they straighten up and do what everyone does, even if nobody knows why.
Personally, I think not having children is the most loving thing anyone can do for the planet. Think of how many problems in the world would be solved if humanity was extinct in a century? Don’t get me wrong, I know many people who are fantastic – but it’s hard to argue that humanity in general is the best the universe has to offer. Unless you go to church regularly…
Hmm, that IS interesting. The strange thing is, if you don’t want to have kids, then you obviously don’t subscribe to the same belief system as they do. So why would they want you to have a child and likely create another being that’s in opposition to their viewpoints? It seems like the exact opposite way to grow support for their “team”. I think there’s a step missing in there that they don’t realize, which is “have a kid, oh, and adopt all my sentiments on this subject and be sure to pass them down to your child as well.”
Any chance it’s selfish on their part?
The more people in the world, the greater the chance that they’ll have a meaningful effect on some child’s life and score points. The more points the greater the chance of getting into heaven/nirvana/zion/what-have-you. It’s a numbers game.
Very true, but it seems strange to think that having an effect on kids is the only way to score points for the afterlife…
If God’s command is to “multiply,’ then I can just take the literal fundamentalist mathematical interpretation and say that I already have.
I’ve multiplied by one. Me, multiplied by one, equals me. Now get out of my face about telling me I’m selfish, or I’ll multiply you by zero….
I understand…years back, at a gathering, my mom shared with her friend’s husband that my husband and I weren’t having children. Overhearing their conversation, I immediately attempted to leave the room! Her friend’s husband motioned to me to come closer to them, “So, you say you don’t want kids, huh.” “That’s true,” I replied. He then hit me with, “Someday, when your party days are over, you’ll realize it’s not all about you.” Now, at the time I was in such shock that all I could muster up was, “Judging by that comment, you clearly don’t know me.” See, not only have a volunteered since I was in high school, but I don’t even drink, save for maybe a glass of wine on special occasions! Just be yourself,what others have to say regarding your reproductive choices holds no value unless they are carrying, birthing, paying for, caring for, and raising the child themselves. If doing what I feel is best for me in life is selfish, than I will wear that label proudly.
Haha, I love this reputation the Childfree have of being nothing but hardcore partiers. Hmm…I’m probably not doing much to dispel that myth. Sorry!!
Another perspective on eating out – my husband, child and I can go out to eat on a whim whenever we want. That never changed once my son was born.
Not everything changes for everyone. Not everyone is completely broke after having kids. Just like not everyone is completely happy or miserable. So much of it depends on your circumstances before having kids (and your ability to adapt and roll with it).
True, and it especially helps if you’ve raised your kids right and they’re well behaved, because then taking them out to eat isn’t nearly as much of a hassle as it is for parents of ill-behaved children. It sounds like you’ve got yourself some good ones!
I think having children(biological) is selfish. People do it for selfish reasons. No one is making them do it. There’s no shortage of people, as far as I’m aware.
I have been told repeatedly in my life that I’m selfish since I don’t want kids (which I shouldn’t have to validate to parents), and “why did I get married then if I don’t want kids”, or the “you’ll change your mind” card! (that’s my favorite, and I feel like saying that to the moms that tell me that, see how they feel!!— and ya, some have regretted having babies!!- and admitted it to me with shame!)
The best was, I once asked my pregnant friend WHY she wanted to have babies. She replied “Cause of mine and my man’s good genetics”…. And if you saw this person, you’d be baffled at the “good genetics” part of the comment. LOL
If people were truly unselfish and wanted kids, they’d adopt. Period. It’s only because they want a tiny tot in their image that more people don’t adopt.
The true altruistic side of parenting is wanting to teach, raise, provide for, care for another human being. Biological relation should therefor not matter. But sadly, people are too hung up on the kid having to be “their own”, and in turn, we have a world full of young people who have no one to raise, teach, care and provide for them.
Funny how breeders can call us selfish, and feel that it’s alright, but non breeders can’t call em out on it as well without coming off as incredibly rude and insensitive.
I’ve become more vocal about it over time, having had enough of the condescending comments from self righteous parents.
Yup, I’ll be very interested to see how the norms progress as the number of Childfree women in their forties continues to rise. You’d think at a certain point these comments would just be discontinued, but I have a feeling it won’t be in our lifetime. At least, not in our childbearing years.
If people say you’ll change your mind, then ask them to place a wager on it. “Will you bet 500 bucks that I’ll change my mind and have kids? No? Why not? Are you thinking maybe I won’t change my mind?” If they’re so sure, they should readily accept an easy way to make a little money.
68640
I’m so cheap and competitive, I’d be afraid I’d stay Childfree even if I decided I wanted one, just to win the $500.
Another fabulous post!
Why thank you, Lauren!
Here are some funny comebacks when people ask why don\’t you have children.
http://www.ishouldhavesaid.net/2012/02/how-come-you-dont-have-any-kids-more-child-free-comebacks/
I have found some of these comebacks useful at dinner parties. Why do people think that everyone needs to have kids!!!
Haha, those are great!!
I am recently married and have an 11yr old son from a previous relationship and my experience raising my son has made me not want anymore children at all. I love my son and will do anything for him but I don\’t want the responsibility of raising another person and my husband knows this and knew it before we were married. My husband and I met when my son was 2 he has no children and has helped me raise my son and understands how I feel.
I always get strange comments from friends \”You better give him a baby\” or \”Your married now, your supposed to\” and \”Don\’t you want to see what your child would look like\”
One women at work said \”Don\’t you want one, don\’t you just love that baby smell\”
I was confused a little after that one, It made me think of a new car. Someone told me that your child could change the world. There is no way you can know how your child will turn out even if you give them all your love and raise them right. Having children is not for everyone.
Wow, that’s taking the “Bingo” thing to a whole new level – you’ve already had one and you’re STILL getting hassled to have another! I bet many women who choose to have one child probably experience the same thing, but you’re probably experiencing it even more with the new marriage aspect thrown in there.