Thoughts on Action
"Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live." ~ Nicolas de Chamfort

It’s Never a Good Time to Get Pregnant

Just returned from Vegas, and what happened there will stay there*, but the conversation I had with my friend Emily before we left, will not.

Vegas!!!             

Emily was pretty pumped for this weekend. It was her little sister’s bachelorette party, and it had been a while since she’d been to Vegas. After we were done discussing our plans (trapeze show at Circus Circus, the $3 sirloin at Binion’s Horseshoe – you know, the classy stuff), talk turned to babies since two of them were making noise in the background on her end.

I asked if she was having a third and she said she thought so. (I guess I’d want to have another one too if I was popping out super-model babies like this.)

But she quickly followed that up with an exasperated sigh and the following proclamation:

“There’s just never a good time to get pregnant!”

Vegas this weekend, a Ladies-Only vaca in June, her sister’s wedding in the Spring…the occasions that called for – nay, demanded – a non-pregnant Emily seemed to stretch endlessly through 2012. There certainly wasn’t a 9-month pocket hiding where she’d etched into her calendar Prop swollen ankles on couch, have hysterical hormonal breakdown over Beverly getting kicked off Top Chef, designate-drive husband and friends to and from bars.

I’m not saying this is what all pregnant women do, or that they can’t have fun. Some women – my mom is one of them – have amazing pregnancies and say they never felt better in their lives than when they were pregnant. There’s even an urban legend that some remarkable ladies can enjoy the company of others while sober.

But imagine some of your upcoming events sans alcohol, caffeine and/or a svelt figure:

  • That shower curtain ring sales conference for work, where you’ll need no less than an army tank of Starbucks’ Sumatra blend to survive
  • The 10-year high school reunion where you must either not be pregnant at all, or be so obviously pregnant that no one mistakes you for just getting super fat since graduation. Like that cow Teresa Jones.**
  • Being nine months pregnant in Texas in August. Nuff said.
  • The bachelorette party that requires enough vodka (exact quantity unknown) to make it okay that you’re wearing stuff like this. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, that’s me I guess.  ↓

That ain’t all

You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting some soiree for which it’s going to suck to be pregnant. But if you do bite the bullet and find a good slot, the distressing news is that it’s not over in nine months! Unless you have unlimited babysitter funds or grandparents nearby, you don’t just need a clear three-quarters of a year. You need a clear rest-of-your-life.

Let’s not panic yet

For those of you holding off on the baby bandwagon until later, the situation may rectify itself. The Singles herd is thinning. Unless there’s a massive swell of Marriage #2 related debauchery on the horizon, the number of weddings and raucous bachelorette parties will eventually die out. Your friends will stop switching apartments every year and a half and there’ll be fewer and fewer housewarming (or their rowdier cousin, housecooling) parties. Nearly everyone you know will start having babies and stop dragging you out to the bars. Hangovers will become increasingly unbearable with age*** and we’ll have to – gasp! – settle down.

And maybe that’s okay. Who says you always have to stay till the end of the party, till last call, till the lights come on? We all know that’s the most frightening moment anyways. Perhaps it’s better to go out on top ala Seinfeld and not hang on till the bitter end. Or perhaps these are just the ramblings of a girl suffering from post-Vegas exhaustion.

What do you guys think – is there EVER a good time to get pregnant?

*Okay, this won’t stay in Vegas: I woke up this morning with this super-classy Girls Night Out + martini glass tattoo. It’s in that exact location where I can’t reach it in the shower so I haven’t been able to figure out if this is fake or not. This looks fake, right?!

**All names have been changed and any resemblance real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. No cows were emotionally scarred in the typing of this post.

***For any of you who may also have gone to Vegas this weekend, here’s 13 natural hangover cures.

19 Responses to It’s Never a Good Time to Get Pregnant

  • Megan says:

    Being a teacher, I’d say the best time to get pregnant is over the summer- say late June/early July. That way, you’re pregnant through most of the school year, but then have the baby around Spring Break and have maternity leave through the rest of the year, and then still have the summer to recoup! :) That’s what most teachers in my district seem to do!

    • Maybe Lady
      Maybe Lady says:

      You teachers are VERY crafty! I bet those that get pregnant in October are so mad that they have the baby right when school lets out!

  • Kallie says:

    My plan is anytime NOT 9 months before tax season (I’m an accountant). I’m also waiting until after my final exam (the exam to get my designation) so that I can go a little crazy at the celebration party. No wine for 9 months…. Hrmmmm…. How long do you think it would take to wait until guys can be the pregnant ones?

    • Maybe Lady
      Maybe Lady says:

      Um, yes! That’s what I’M waiting for! And I do believe the doctors say you can have some wine, you’ll just have to control yourself – but I know how wild you accountants are, so perhaps that’s not possible.

  • Mistress Fluffy says:

    Even after the pregnancy you still don’t have your body back because you are breastfeeding for a year.

  • Kallie says:

    Haha – Yes, well… ‘some’ wine generally doesn’t cut it at the Final Exam party, for sure!

    Definitely if I was waiting to have a baby JUST because of alcohol, then I would think that means one is not ready (and may have an alcohol problem). However, I’m in the ‘definitely want’ not the ‘maybe’ boat when it comes to kids (though I love this blog!) so I guess I can do with only a sip of wine here and there ;) Or maybe I’ll find a really good non-alcoholic version… yuck!

  • Lisa says:

    I was also in Vegas this weekend, and it also made me question my desire to have children. On our honeymoon, my husband and I met a couple that said “We thought about having kids, but we just keep taking great vacations and haven’t gotten around to it yet!” I’m starting to understand what they mean.

    On a serious note, getting pregnant will mean that every aspect of my life will change forever. I’m a very indecisive person and this seems like an impossible choice to make. Although I realize that age will make me infertile eventually – I’d like to decide while I still have a choice.

    • Maybe Lady
      Maybe Lady says:

      The couple you met on vacation reminds me of a writer friend of mine who at one point said, “Oops, I forgot to have babies!” She was too busy doing all kinds of fun things, traveling, etc. I guess that’s just what happens! And I kind of want a t-shirt that says Oops, I forgot to have babies.

  • Allie says:

    Before we got married, my husband and I were very clear with each other about our feelings on kids. Luckily, we were on the same page and vowed not to discuss the topic again until I turned 30. As “the talk” was approaching, a co-worker asked with a smirk if I had heard my biological clock ticking (yuck!). I replied that we were planning on going to New Orleans for our 5th wedding anniversary, and you can’t do that with a baby, so I was pretty sure I knew what the result of the discussion would be. As I predicted, it was a resounding NO from both of us. The topic will be readdressed in 2 years, but we’ll probably have as awesome vacation planned then, too.

    • Maybe Lady
      Maybe Lady says:

      Makes you wonder if maybe we’re planning all these awesome trips in a subconscious effort to ensure that there never WILL be a good time to get pregnant. Hmmm…

  • Dang. I never thought in terms like this. And clearly there never was a good time for me to get pregnant because I remained kidless. If there had been, the story would be different, right? Love your tattoo btw!

    • Maybe Lady
      Maybe Lady says:

      That just means you were too busy having fun! You fall into the “Oops, I forgot to have babies” category. :)

  • Jenny Angell says:

    I love how you write and I saw your story on Blogher about a guy confronting the parents of the psycho kids in the restaurant. So COOL! I’m curious…I’m looking for great bloggers like yourself to take the “Think On Purpose Challenge” as described under the TOPC tab on http://www.IAmAnAmazingMom.com and blog their results. Would you be interested? Thanks for considering it! Jenny Angell

    jennyangellkw@gmail.com

    http://video214.com/play/7Mb3mHLyMr3cDwq0R3CnTA/s/dark

    ps you asked on blogher about tips for dealing with bad parents/kids….this is my version of equipping ALL parents with tools for success…we all have a little good, bad and ugly in us, but these affirmations inspire the best in all of us!

  • Kelly in Portland says:

    I think that it’s good for people to ask this question to themselves, regardless of what path they choose (motherhood or childfree). More people should heavily consider this question before having kids… it’s such an investment — both time-wise and financially. After asking myself the question over the past 10 years of marriage, I’ve finally become comfortable with the answer of “never”!

    • Maybe Lady
      Maybe Lady says:

      Yes – I think there’s probably too many people who just go with their gut and don’t take the time to really ask themselves the tough questions. Thanks for your comment, and glad to hear you’re comfortable with your answer!!

  • kylie says:

    i’ve been thinking about this one for a while there are two types of people who are trying to concieve there are those who try and by try i mean use thermometers, ovulation tests etc and there are those who are in the see what happens group. i wonder if those in the later group are those who are more open to a childfree life prehaps they have thought about it and may have looked into all their options and have decided to see what happens for a while but if it happens it happens we could say they are less commited prehaps they are the ones who are having a child because they are expected to not because they want to. I also wonder about those who put a time limit on how long they would try for those that if it hasn’t happened by xyz date then they will walk away from it.

    • Maybe Lady
      Maybe Lady says:

      That’s an interesting point, I’d never really thought much about the difference between those two groups. I bet there are a lot that start out in the “let’s see what happens” group, but move into the thermometer group once they start to worry they might be infertile.

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